


No One Has to Know

by KaraTutiiro



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Canonical Rape/Non-con, Character Study, Episode Tag, Episode: s01e14 Hathor, Gen, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-09
Updated: 2015-11-09
Packaged: 2018-04-30 20:56:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5179346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaraTutiiro/pseuds/KaraTutiiro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>The truth was, he had </i>wanted<i> Hathor.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	No One Has to Know

"A lot of that will probably be mine," he said, and Jack said "Ew," and they all acted like it wasn't a big deal, like it wasn't any more embarrassing than being turned into a caveman or kidnapped as trade goods or drugged by cake or any of the other absurd nonsense they'd all been through in the past few months. Daniel was indescribably grateful for that. Besides, it wasn't really any different, was it? Every man on base had bent over backwards to give Hathor anything and everything she wanted; just because what she wanted from him happened to be a little more... intimate... didn't mean he had anything more to be ashamed of than anyone else here. Still, no matter what his logical mind said, he couldn't stop the burning ache in the pit of his stomach telling him that he was a despicable cheating bastard who'd just failed Sha're yet again.

The truth was, no matter what excuses he tried to make for himself, he had _wanted_ Hathor. He had needed to feel himself inside her like a drowning man needed air. His memory was still patchy and blurred, but he remembered that much. In fact, he remembered part of his mind being alarmed by it, recognizing that it wasn't right, that even pure, unadulterated lust shouldn't feel like _that_. He suppressed a snort as they all filed out of the locker room; a lot of good that had done him. He'd still fucked her like a good little whore, now hadn't he?

He glanced around at his team as they rode the elevator to the surface in exhausted silence. God, but he didn't deserve them, standing next to him like nothing had changed, wishing him good night as they all scattered across the parking lot, Jack clapping him on the back affectionately. Like he wasn't filthy, like he wasn't beneath them. Well, the least he could do was keep up the act on his end. He might be beneath them now, but his skills, his ability to interpret alien languages and cultures, were still needed. He could play along for as long as they wanted to pretend that he was still worthy of their respect, and when they realized otherwise, he would take their scorn with good grace. If he spent the next ten minutes leaning against the steering wheel of his car bawling his eyes out, if when he got home he sat in the bottom of his shower long after the scalding water became icy cold, well. No one else had to know, now did they?

**Author's Note:**

> This fic arose from two observations about the episode Hathor. First, as disappointing as it is, it's also entirely unsurprising that no one acknowledged, or apparently even recognized, that Hathor had raped Daniel. We're talking about members of a top-secret military program in the '90s here, when even today there are people who think that men can't be raped by women and that drugging someone into having sex isn't really "rape-rape." It doesn't actually strike me as out of character at all that it didn't occur to anyone, even Daniel, to think of what had happened as rape. The second observation is that the incident, exactly as portrayed in canon, was _definitely_ rape, and had to have been incredibly harmful. I think it's important to remember that just because she didn't hold him down or put a gun to his head doesn't mean she didn't hurt him, badly.


End file.
